All Change?

It seems no time at all since August 1971 and the birth of my first daughter.  Over the intervening forty-two years there have been many, many changes.  Sadly, it seems that at least one thing has not changed for the better.

My daughter seemed healthy at first, but by three weeks old she was crying a lot.  Visits to the clinic did not help but eventually, when she was six weeks old, I managed to get an appointment with a paediatrician.  I had hardly stepped into the consulting room when the doctor was phoning for an ambulance and my baby and I were being rushed up the road from Perth to Dundee Royal Infirmary.  On arrival I was informed that Sarah has hydrocephalus and would very soon be prepared for neurosurgery.  That was to be the first of many rushed journeys between Perth and Dundee, and the first of the fifteen neurosurgical procedures that Sarah would endure over the next three years. 

I have forgotten a lot of the detail of the day-by-day challenges of dealing with Sarah’s various needs and her uncertain future.  Some things, on the other hand, I remember clearly.  Like the day Sarah was having a four-hour surgery and the phone went two hours into the operation.  My heart sank.  However, it was to let me know the operation had had to be delayed and was only now beginning.  I also remember the day we collected Sarah from hospital after a long stay and, by way of celebration, we popped into a cafe on the way home.  Because of the neurosurgery Sarah’s head had been shaved and her hair was not yet growing back, and her many scars were showing, the latest one very visible.  I shall never forget the pointed looks and mutters of the other folk in the cafe.

Sadly, that sort of reaction was more commonplace than I had expected.  I also found out at top speed that a lot of people did not want to mix with me or my daughter; perhaps other mothers thought that hydrocephalus was ‘catching’.  Anyway, I was isolated and, as it was impossible to get a babysitter who felt able to look after Sarah, my social life and, therefore, contact with other people was almost non-existent.  As Sarah was vulnerable and unable to stand the rough and tumble, or the occasional taunts, of children at a regular school, she had to attend special schools which were often at some distance from our home – so there was no opportunity for regular school-gate conversations with other parents.  Sarah also had regular medical appointments at various hospitals in London, where we now lived - sometimes as many as one appointment per week - and these, added to her regular periods of illness, and further ‘review’ surgery from time to time, meant that we were never in a regular routine.

I am so grateful to the wonderful medical staff who were able to save Sarah.  I am so grateful that there were some caring professional people who found the occasional medically-qualified babysitter for me, and so saved my sanity!  I am so grateful to the minister of my local church who gave me huge support, both practically and spiritually.  I had a few fantastic friends who, even the two or three who lived at some distance, kept in touch with me regularly.  I am grateful to God that He has always watched over Sarah. 

However, all that being said, it seems that a degree of isolation appears to remain a feature of life for those parents who have a child with some form of disability.  I think you may say that society is different now.  That we are more enlightened.  That the Paralympics last year did much to emphasise the fact that differences can be embraced and celebrated.  All this is true.   However, sadly, I recognise in my daughter – the mother of a little boy with Aspergers Syndrome – a similar degree of isolation to that which I experienced almost half a century ago.  Despite having some support from a small number of good friends, her life is very different and very solitary compared to the vast majority of her contemporaries.                                      

Unfortunately, not everything has changed.

 

Difficult Times

There are three fantastic things about going through a difficult time!

1.       It alters your relationship with God

2.       You discover who’s really in it with you

3.       It ends!

Unfortunately, these things are only fully appreciated once you have come out at the other end!  And the end is truly something to savour.  It’s wonderful to feel your shoulders drop by three inches, to be aware that you do not have that constant twinge of a headache, and to feel your fingers unwind and relax.  Whilst you were in the midst of the difficulties you had not even realised how tense your body was.  Afterwards, you can sometimes be taken by surprise, by remembering it is actually all over!  You had got so used to the tension and the headachy cloud that, for a split second, you had forgotten its over - and then you remember - and you can rejoice all over again!  Of course, this spell is fairly short-lived!

It has sometimes been quite a surprise to me to discover who is actually with me during difficult times.  We make assumptions as to whom we can count on, and from time to time we are disappointed when the folk we thought would be alongside us appear to take a back seat.  I have come to the conclusion that some people, for whatever reason of their own, are simply not able to support others through difficult times.  It’s not a lack of friendship, just an inability to know what to do and how to do it.  Sometimes folk are dealing with their own problems and are unable to take on anything additional.  There is also the fact that some people simply cannot recognise how badly we are affected and are, therefore, blind to the fact that we need their support.

On the other hand, I have been equally surprised by the love and support received from people that I had not expected it from - the ‘out of the blue’ telephone call, visit or card!  These small acts of kindness are the uplift which carries you through a bad day.  A caring word has value beyond explanation.   I maintain that I came through a very bad time in 2008/2009 holding on to the hand of my two year old grandson!  Of course, my two daughters and one particular friend were a strong support, as were my sisters, one or two other friends and some of my Church family.  Ultimately, there are two things that bring us through a bad time – God and the support of other people.

As for changing our relationship with God?  This is much more difficult to explain.  During a bad time it can feel as if God has become distant and out of contact.  Your prayers hit the ceiling and bounce around you – and how can they be answered if they never reach God?  You keep coming across bad news and stories of others that seem hopeless.  You even begin to question why God would allow this to happen to you.  You begin to feel that you are not worthy of God’s help – and if the situation goes on and on, this would seem to confirm it.  However, somehow, we remember that our faith is not measured by how we feel, but by knowing that God keeps His promises.  So we hold on.

And by holding on, we are enabled to be ‘down but not out’.  Then, from time to time, God sends us a word, or an answer to prayer – and this sustains our fragile grip.  Slowly we begin to remember that God will never allow us to go through more than we can cope with.  We are reminded that many others are going though much, much worse.  And, eventually, the difficulties ease and we feel like ourselves again.  One thing has altered though.  Our relationship with God has been developed and this has helped us to grow.  We put on more growth during difficult times than we do during times of ease.  I guess it’s because we have no strength and have to rely on His.   Because we know that we can trust Him to bring us through any future difficulties.  Because it shows us that everything else in our lives may change, disappear, disappoint or hurt us – but God never changes.  He promised to be with us always – and He’s just proved it!

None of us would choose difficult times, but they happen, and when they happen they bring us a deeper relationship with God, the knowledge that people around us care and a terrific sense of relief and joy when they are over!

The Personal Touch

One of my new year resolutions is to begin blogging again, so here goes.........

Two other resolutions are to make more phone calls and write more letters. One reason I made these resolutions is because this new year was very different to those I remember, because of the mobile phone and the computer.

At new year I would normally expected to speak to a number of folk by phone, or welcome them to my home or visit them in their's. This new years day I only spoke to four people, and two of them live with me! The third person I spoke to was my elder daughter who was visiting us for new years day dinner, and the fourth person was her Carer who collected her to take her home (but who did not even come into the house). We received no phone calls. Our first foot was our next door neighbour on the morning of 2 January.

Don't get me wrong - we did hear from folk - and I was very happy to hear from each and every one, and their contact and best wishes are valued more than they know. However, all these messages were via text or Facebook. I miss hearing people's voices. I miss seeing their faces.

I think that both computers and mobile phones are brilliant tools which are invaluable in many areas of life and work. However, have they also taken over areas where a telephone call, letter or visit are more appropriate? Are we in danger of losing the personal touch?

A photo or two...

..... one photo of my younger daughter and my grandson, patiently waiting for the bride! One of my elder daughter (centre) with two of my nieces. And two photos of my four nieces learning ceilidh dances!

And now for the good news 2 !

I recently attended my nephew's wedding, which came just six weeks after the wedding of my niece. How lovely to celebrate good things! Another lovely day, and such a pleasure to be able to spend time in the company of all my family.

Here's my nephew with his lovely wife, and my sister and brother-in-law.

And now for the good news ......

Last weekend I travelled to Lancashire to attend the wedding of my niece, Chloe, my late brother's daughter. A lovely day, and I enjoyed spending the weekend in the company of my two sisters, my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law.

TASHA

Our lovely Tasha was put to sleep by the Vet 10 days ago. Her quality of life was deteriorating fast and it became obvious that this was the kindest thing for her. We enjoyed her company for over fourteen years, so we are going to miss her a lot...............

Pride

...... caught a bit of "Britain's Got Talent Tonight" and there were some very talented young people performing. Their parents were talking about how proud they are of them, quite rightly, and that made me think. I'm proud of our children too. I'm proud of Sarah because she copes, most of the time, with her disabilities with a smile. I'm proud of Catriona because, despite panic attacks, she has achieved so much. I'm proud of Nathan because, although he left school early, he has worked his way up to a manager's post. There are many other reasons that I'm proud of them - but I think they are the people I should be saying this to, so I will!

Nostalgia

I'm going away on holiday soon. We're going to Brazil and looking forward to exploring - but after we've had a rest!

For some reason I've been thinking of my holidays when I was a child. They were all spent with my maternal grandparents in a small fishing village on the north-east coast of Scotland. They owned the village's general store, Post Office, bakery, haberdashers, etc - the shop sold everything! I can still remember the smell of newly-dug potatoes, in sacks leaning against the food counter, and the fabulous scent of newly baked bread. There were huge slabs of butter and cheese, which were cut with a long piece of wire, and biscuits were loose in tins and sugar measured into thick, dark blue bags. I can remember the 'bop, bop, bop' sound of Granda stamping the mail before it was collected by the Royal Mail van.

The house was huge and part of the same building, and the ground floor was rented out to a family. There were three bathrooms, all in a row, and three huge attic rooms which we children used as playrooms when the weather was bad - there were boxes of clothes, games and a huge brass bedstead in each room. From the windows you could see the beach and the sea at the bottom of the square and, twice a day, a herd of cows processed through the square on their way to milking. The garden at the back was massive and filled with every kind of vegetable, including curly kale, which fascinated me. There was a huge strawberry plot and a greenhouse with fragrant tomatoes and a vine twining along the roof.

Magical stuff! Although I loved being there all summer, I certainly didn't realise then just what an idyllic sort of time and place it was.

Family Update

I know that I haven't posted anything for ages, but I have been terribly busy and have also been unwell. I had one of those horrible headache, dizzy, nausea 'bugs'.

One of the reasons that I'm so busy is because Joe and I soon go on holiday to Salvador, Brazil. We are very much looking forward to the rest and relaxation, but will also explore the history of the area, and I wonder if there will be turtles on the beach! But there is much to do beforehand. Next weekend I go to Perth for my Christian Workers' Certificate Spring Study Day - these are good days but I'm a bit nervous about giving a ten minute presentation.

Our youngest grandson, Iain Joseph, had his first trip to A&E last weekend! He suddenly decided to do a somersault off the sofa, hurting his head, so his mum and dad decided to take no chances and drove to the hospital. Thankfully he is none the worse for his acrobatics!

Tasha, our lovely old cat, is not very well at all. She now has a bad heart and spends a lot of time sleeping. Tablets seem to help however, and she seems happy enough and is eating, which is always a good sign.

Reasons To Be Cheerful!

We had such a wonderful Easter weekend at Kilcreggan. I must admit that when I arrived I was feeling pretty frayed at the edges !!!! But, as always, God is good and within 24 hours of having arrived I was feeling rested. By the time we left I felt refreshed physically and spiritually. The house is lovely, the scenery gorgeous - Joe and I took a walk down to the waterfront on the Saturday afternoon (down an amazingly steep hill) - and even the weather was fantastic! The company was brilliant, the food good (and plentiful!) and my bed was right in a bay window overlooking the water - the sunrise on Sunday morning was very beautiful.

We shared times of fun, including a quiz-night and rolling eggs (and people) down a hill on Easter Sunday morning. We experienced a real sense of God's presence during worship and prayer and we soaked in His peace and were 'quietened by his love'. So much more than I can describe here!

As I said, we left on Monday after lunch and even the flurries of snow and the heavy traffic couldn't dampen our spirits! And as we approached home and the 'coming back down to earth with a bump', I looked around and was reminded yet again of what a beautiful part of the world I live in.

Washday

Thought I'd share this wee photo - cheered me on this dreich day!

Stop the world, I want to get off!

I feel a little world-weary. The news seems to be full of sad news - yet another shooting at an American college and, in the UK, a story of young people committing suicide. All so absolutely tragic, and my heart goes out to the parents, families and friends of all these young people. I wish I could do more than just pray for them.

In Britain we have the usual mix of political wrangling, religious misunderstandings and the (boring) ubiquitous cult of celebrity. In Scotland winter is dragging her heels - even though there are some signs of spring - and there's not even anything good on TV to divert us!

On a personal level, I am concerned for Sarah - she is a bit volatile at the moment, and has been suspended from College. There is no easy answer - we just have to wait until she becomes more stable and hope that, in the meantime, she does not loose too many of the things that both she and those who support her have worked so hard for. So, I pray for Sarah too.

Of course, my real problem is that I would just like to be able to 'fix' all these things, but I can't, so I pray - because I know a Man who can help!

My News

I've had the 'flu - or something very like it! Feeling a bit better today so heading back to work tomorrow.

My Christmas holidays got off to a good start, meeting some of my friends for a meal. We had a great evening!










On Sunday 23rd we had a lovely Christmas Family Service at church and our Sarah was able to join us. In the evening a number of us from church joined some of our friends at a local housing association for a Carol Service.

Joe was working on Christmas Day and the family celebrating in their own homes - so Joe and I had a quiet Christmas dinner when he got home, and we spent time with the family later in the week. Our youngest grandson is now walking, which is keeping his mum on her toes!

Of course we also had snow, which is very pretty (when viewed from inside!)



Well, I wonder what 2008 has in store for us all? I pray that it is full of good things for everyone.

A NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To anyone who reads this blog - I wish you all that's best for 2008.

I wonder what this year will bring? As usual for this time of year, I was thinking - reflecting on last year and pondering on my hopes for this new one. One of them is that I can grasp the pure joy of the fact that I have a relationship with God!!

Another is that I can find happiness in the simplest of things. I watched Michael Parkinson's final show - a compilation of his memorable interviews. Amongst them was a clip from 1980, of Larry Adler (on harmonica) and Itzhak Perlman (on violin) playing Summertime. At one point, Larry Adler smiled at Itzhak Perlman - and it was a smile of sheer enjoyment! What struck me was that he was smiling out of the sheer pleasure over the music that they were making. He was not smiling because he was being admired by Michael Parkinson, his guests, the studio audience and all those watching at home. He was not smiling because he was famous and rich. He was not smiling because he held centre-stage. He was smiling with the joy of making music with another great musician.

In this age of celebrity, and the desire of so many to be famous for the sake of being famous, I pray that we can all treasure the simple pleasures of life, most of which are found in God's creation - the natural world and people.

Our Sarah

At one point this week it all came back to me - just how fragile
Sarah's place in society is. She is now 36 and suffers from
hydrocephalus and epilepsy. The hydrocephalus was recognised when she was six weeks old - and I had suffered around four weeks without any sleep! The epilepsy was caused because of all the neurosurgery.

I do not mention this because I'm feeling sorry for myself - Sarah brings sunshine as well as challenges into our lives. But I have concern for her - and all those who, like Sarah, are not quite as well-equipped for life as the rest of us.

That being said, Sarah is totally amazing! Perhaps I'll write more about her sometime.

Pictures show Sarah with her dad and nephew.

Random thoughts.........

Immediately after my computer recovered, I suddenly became very busy. Various reasons - waiting to see if my work contract was being renewed, writing assignments for my CWC course, suffering with a sore throat and taking our Tasha to the Vet.

Sadly, Tasha has heart problems - she is quite elderly - in human terms she is approaching 105! We take her back to the vet on Monday to get her checked over again, and to collect some medication.

Joe and I celebrate our Wedding Anniversary on Friday, Sarah will be spending Saturday afternoon with us and our middle grandson, Stephen, will be 7 on 11 December. I know we all say it, but time passes so very quickly!

The last couple of Sundays, I have just felt so blessed to be part of my wee Church!! There is such a sense of family. A week past Sunday I was struck by how many folk were quietly ministering to those around them who needed a hug or a kind word. Last Sunday we were blessed with a real sense of worship and, again, that sense of family - I understand that some visitors so felt this that they have said they will be back.

There has been much discussion of what the Church is, and what it should be doing - should we be seeking to 'do' Church in a different way, so that folk who are not from a Church background can relate to what goes on in Church, especially during Sunday services. Most of the discussion has been at a level that I struggle to fully understand, so I have not often contributed. However, I think that the last couple of weeks at my Church may have provided part of the beginning of the answer........

Finally - to bloggers more experienced than I - other than by leaving comments, how do we know if anyone is reading our wee posts or not? Seems such a waste of time otherwise............

Family News

At last, our Tasha seems to be back to normal. I was concerned for a while that there was something seriously wrong. However, she's once again eating well and, as you can see, finding the best places to sleep!




Sarah is also sleeping well! I phoned her on Monday evening to be told by her carer that she was already in bed asleep - it was only 7.00pm! Seems a particularly busy day at the local college special unit had exhausted her! Here's a picture of Sarah, with her dad and her nephew.

Young Iain Joseph celebrated his first birthday recently, and his favourite gifts were a box and a balloon! !

Can I come out of my box yet? ......................................................It's my balloon Mum!

Joe will soon be visiting our son, Nathan, and grandson, Stephen, for a weekend, and I only have a few weeks of my work contract left. I can't believe how quickly this year has passed, and now autumn is here! With this sudden, cold weather, despite the stress of its installation, I am very grateful for our new and efficient central heating system! (Even though we still have a leak under the sink........)

Family Update

Well, we've all had some kind of cold, cough or headache - however our elderly cat, Tasha, is much improved!


Despite this, we have been kept busy, busy, busy. Joe and I have both attended training recently. Joe attending training to become part of our local Healing Rooms team, and I was at my Christian Worker's Certificate Study Day. We have both been busy with Church things of one kind or another and, on Thursday, our house will be turned upside down when new radiators, fire and boiler are installed!


We have also been socialising - thoroughly enjoyed dinner with friends at the weekend and last week our youngest grandson, Iain Joseph, celebrated his first birthday! Our other grandsons have birthdays soon - Lewis will be 9 in November, and Stephen will be 7 in December............ then it's Christmas!

The Angel of the North

I love this sculpture!
Can't be specific about why - I just do.

I passed it a number of times this weekend whilst staying with my friend, Jenna - who, along with husband Dereck, held their wedding reception in a lovely wee hotel very close to "The Angel".

It was a good weekend (although the journey back was a bit of a nightmare!) On Saturday afternoon Jenna and I took 'afternoon tea' at the old County Hotel in Neville Street, right opposite Newcastle Central Station. This was the hotel where we met when we were both working there as receptionists. The food (especially the lemon tart!), the surroundings and the nostalgia-rich conversation were great.
On Sunday morning we attended Bethany Christian Centre - then it was time to leave Newcastle for home. A lovely weekend that passed very quickly!