All Change?

It seems no time at all since August 1971 and the birth of my first daughter.  Over the intervening forty-two years there have been many, many changes.  Sadly, it seems that at least one thing has not changed for the better.

My daughter seemed healthy at first, but by three weeks old she was crying a lot.  Visits to the clinic did not help but eventually, when she was six weeks old, I managed to get an appointment with a paediatrician.  I had hardly stepped into the consulting room when the doctor was phoning for an ambulance and my baby and I were being rushed up the road from Perth to Dundee Royal Infirmary.  On arrival I was informed that Sarah has hydrocephalus and would very soon be prepared for neurosurgery.  That was to be the first of many rushed journeys between Perth and Dundee, and the first of the fifteen neurosurgical procedures that Sarah would endure over the next three years. 

I have forgotten a lot of the detail of the day-by-day challenges of dealing with Sarah’s various needs and her uncertain future.  Some things, on the other hand, I remember clearly.  Like the day Sarah was having a four-hour surgery and the phone went two hours into the operation.  My heart sank.  However, it was to let me know the operation had had to be delayed and was only now beginning.  I also remember the day we collected Sarah from hospital after a long stay and, by way of celebration, we popped into a cafe on the way home.  Because of the neurosurgery Sarah’s head had been shaved and her hair was not yet growing back, and her many scars were showing, the latest one very visible.  I shall never forget the pointed looks and mutters of the other folk in the cafe.

Sadly, that sort of reaction was more commonplace than I had expected.  I also found out at top speed that a lot of people did not want to mix with me or my daughter; perhaps other mothers thought that hydrocephalus was ‘catching’.  Anyway, I was isolated and, as it was impossible to get a babysitter who felt able to look after Sarah, my social life and, therefore, contact with other people was almost non-existent.  As Sarah was vulnerable and unable to stand the rough and tumble, or the occasional taunts, of children at a regular school, she had to attend special schools which were often at some distance from our home – so there was no opportunity for regular school-gate conversations with other parents.  Sarah also had regular medical appointments at various hospitals in London, where we now lived - sometimes as many as one appointment per week - and these, added to her regular periods of illness, and further ‘review’ surgery from time to time, meant that we were never in a regular routine.

I am so grateful to the wonderful medical staff who were able to save Sarah.  I am so grateful that there were some caring professional people who found the occasional medically-qualified babysitter for me, and so saved my sanity!  I am so grateful to the minister of my local church who gave me huge support, both practically and spiritually.  I had a few fantastic friends who, even the two or three who lived at some distance, kept in touch with me regularly.  I am grateful to God that He has always watched over Sarah. 

However, all that being said, it seems that a degree of isolation appears to remain a feature of life for those parents who have a child with some form of disability.  I think you may say that society is different now.  That we are more enlightened.  That the Paralympics last year did much to emphasise the fact that differences can be embraced and celebrated.  All this is true.   However, sadly, I recognise in my daughter – the mother of a little boy with Aspergers Syndrome – a similar degree of isolation to that which I experienced almost half a century ago.  Despite having some support from a small number of good friends, her life is very different and very solitary compared to the vast majority of her contemporaries.                                      

Unfortunately, not everything has changed.

 

A Cross Word

I read recently about two UK Christian women who have been barred from wearing a cross whilst at work.  They are taking this to the European Court of Human Rights.  The UK government intends to oppose their case, arguing that wearing a cross is not a 'requirement' of the Christian faith and, therefore, employers can ban employees from doing so, and can dismiss them if they insist.

My questions are - why would employers ban anyone from wearing a cross?  What possible harm can it do anyone?  Presumably then, other workers are allowed to wear items which are considered to be 'requirements' of faith.  Why would these give less offence to people of other faiths, than a cross does to folk who are not Christian? What has happened to human rights in this country?  What has happened to live-and-let-live, tolerance, acceptance and respecting other people's beliefs?

Maybe we should look at make the wearing of a cross a 'requirement' of the Christian faith?

But I forget myself.  Christ did not come to bring us rules, regulations, codes and laws: He came to bring us freedom.

Difficult Times

There are three fantastic things about going through a difficult time!

1.       It alters your relationship with God

2.       You discover who’s really in it with you

3.       It ends!

Unfortunately, these things are only fully appreciated once you have come out at the other end!  And the end is truly something to savour.  It’s wonderful to feel your shoulders drop by three inches, to be aware that you do not have that constant twinge of a headache, and to feel your fingers unwind and relax.  Whilst you were in the midst of the difficulties you had not even realised how tense your body was.  Afterwards, you can sometimes be taken by surprise, by remembering it is actually all over!  You had got so used to the tension and the headachy cloud that, for a split second, you had forgotten its over - and then you remember - and you can rejoice all over again!  Of course, this spell is fairly short-lived!

It has sometimes been quite a surprise to me to discover who is actually with me during difficult times.  We make assumptions as to whom we can count on, and from time to time we are disappointed when the folk we thought would be alongside us appear to take a back seat.  I have come to the conclusion that some people, for whatever reason of their own, are simply not able to support others through difficult times.  It’s not a lack of friendship, just an inability to know what to do and how to do it.  Sometimes folk are dealing with their own problems and are unable to take on anything additional.  There is also the fact that some people simply cannot recognise how badly we are affected and are, therefore, blind to the fact that we need their support.

On the other hand, I have been equally surprised by the love and support received from people that I had not expected it from - the ‘out of the blue’ telephone call, visit or card!  These small acts of kindness are the uplift which carries you through a bad day.  A caring word has value beyond explanation.   I maintain that I came through a very bad time in 2008/2009 holding on to the hand of my two year old grandson!  Of course, my two daughters and one particular friend were a strong support, as were my sisters, one or two other friends and some of my Church family.  Ultimately, there are two things that bring us through a bad time – God and the support of other people.

As for changing our relationship with God?  This is much more difficult to explain.  During a bad time it can feel as if God has become distant and out of contact.  Your prayers hit the ceiling and bounce around you – and how can they be answered if they never reach God?  You keep coming across bad news and stories of others that seem hopeless.  You even begin to question why God would allow this to happen to you.  You begin to feel that you are not worthy of God’s help – and if the situation goes on and on, this would seem to confirm it.  However, somehow, we remember that our faith is not measured by how we feel, but by knowing that God keeps His promises.  So we hold on.

And by holding on, we are enabled to be ‘down but not out’.  Then, from time to time, God sends us a word, or an answer to prayer – and this sustains our fragile grip.  Slowly we begin to remember that God will never allow us to go through more than we can cope with.  We are reminded that many others are going though much, much worse.  And, eventually, the difficulties ease and we feel like ourselves again.  One thing has altered though.  Our relationship with God has been developed and this has helped us to grow.  We put on more growth during difficult times than we do during times of ease.  I guess it’s because we have no strength and have to rely on His.   Because we know that we can trust Him to bring us through any future difficulties.  Because it shows us that everything else in our lives may change, disappear, disappoint or hurt us – but God never changes.  He promised to be with us always – and He’s just proved it!

None of us would choose difficult times, but they happen, and when they happen they bring us a deeper relationship with God, the knowledge that people around us care and a terrific sense of relief and joy when they are over!

Weathering the Storm

Here in Scotland, we have recently had more storms than we have experienced in the past. The storm of last Tuesday (January 3rd) was so strong that it moved our very heavy shed off it's base!

Today I was tidying up in the garden, and around the greenhouse in particular. Having lost a greenhouse to a fairly wild storm on 31 May, my daughter and I had taken the precaution of removing the panes and stored them in the (now leaning!) shed. However, there were a couple of panes we could not remove - one in the roof skylight, and one just above the door.

Tuesday's storm removed the skylight one for us, which we have rescued and brought inside. However, the one above the door is still in place: this pane is, by far, the smallest pane of them all.

What struck me was that we don't have to be big and strong to weather storms. All we really need is to be securely anchored - and sometimes that happens best when we are very small - because we are not relying on our own strength but are, instead, standing on the Rock.

The Personal Touch

One of my new year resolutions is to begin blogging again, so here goes.........

Two other resolutions are to make more phone calls and write more letters. One reason I made these resolutions is because this new year was very different to those I remember, because of the mobile phone and the computer.

At new year I would normally expected to speak to a number of folk by phone, or welcome them to my home or visit them in their's. This new years day I only spoke to four people, and two of them live with me! The third person I spoke to was my elder daughter who was visiting us for new years day dinner, and the fourth person was her Carer who collected her to take her home (but who did not even come into the house). We received no phone calls. Our first foot was our next door neighbour on the morning of 2 January.

Don't get me wrong - we did hear from folk - and I was very happy to hear from each and every one, and their contact and best wishes are valued more than they know. However, all these messages were via text or Facebook. I miss hearing people's voices. I miss seeing their faces.

I think that both computers and mobile phones are brilliant tools which are invaluable in many areas of life and work. However, have they also taken over areas where a telephone call, letter or visit are more appropriate? Are we in danger of losing the personal touch?

A quiet place

The other afternoon I was at the local hospital, visiting a friend from Church. It was incredibly busy everywhere, lots of people and lots of noise. Even the ward was, somehow, a hive of activity with lots of coming and going. My friend walked me to the ward-door at the end of visiting time and, as I waved goodbye to her, I realised that everywhere was still crowded, hot and noisy. As is my habit when visiting someone in hospital, I made my way to the Hospital Chapel and sat down to pray. I revelled in the total peace and absolute quiet. Then, slowly, it dawned on me that I would actually have preferred to find the Chapel as busy as everywhere else - rather than being the only place in the hospital that afternoon that was empty and quiet ............

If you can't say anything nice ......

That is it! Finally got to give vent to my feelings! I'm fed-up of people 'having a go' at people. At the moment the media are particularly bad - they suddenly seem to be having pops at people who have done them no harm at all. What happened to the phrase "If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all."?

I can understand why some people are targeted but totally perplexed as to why U2 should be the latest addition to the long list of those who are used as the brunt of a cheap laugh.

Who do you think is an undeserving target?

Pride

...... caught a bit of "Britain's Got Talent Tonight" and there were some very talented young people performing. Their parents were talking about how proud they are of them, quite rightly, and that made me think. I'm proud of our children too. I'm proud of Sarah because she copes, most of the time, with her disabilities with a smile. I'm proud of Catriona because, despite panic attacks, she has achieved so much. I'm proud of Nathan because, although he left school early, he has worked his way up to a manager's post. There are many other reasons that I'm proud of them - but I think they are the people I should be saying this to, so I will!

A wee rant

As mentioned in my last posting, Joe and I have just returned from a holiday in Brazil - amazing, fascinating, and we had opportunity to rest. However, at church this morning I was chatting to folk who asked for my impressions and (like so many other countries that I have visited) my overall impression is one of overwhelming contrast between the very rich and the very poor.

I just feel so dreadfully frustrated that there is so much wealth in the world - and so much poverty. I could jump up and down screaming with the injustice of it all!!! Yet, that is tinged with the guilt of being able to go to another part of the world on holiday .........

I know that many others must feel the same. But, what can we do? Can we do anything?

Nostalgia

I'm going away on holiday soon. We're going to Brazil and looking forward to exploring - but after we've had a rest!

For some reason I've been thinking of my holidays when I was a child. They were all spent with my maternal grandparents in a small fishing village on the north-east coast of Scotland. They owned the village's general store, Post Office, bakery, haberdashers, etc - the shop sold everything! I can still remember the smell of newly-dug potatoes, in sacks leaning against the food counter, and the fabulous scent of newly baked bread. There were huge slabs of butter and cheese, which were cut with a long piece of wire, and biscuits were loose in tins and sugar measured into thick, dark blue bags. I can remember the 'bop, bop, bop' sound of Granda stamping the mail before it was collected by the Royal Mail van.

The house was huge and part of the same building, and the ground floor was rented out to a family. There were three bathrooms, all in a row, and three huge attic rooms which we children used as playrooms when the weather was bad - there were boxes of clothes, games and a huge brass bedstead in each room. From the windows you could see the beach and the sea at the bottom of the square and, twice a day, a herd of cows processed through the square on their way to milking. The garden at the back was massive and filled with every kind of vegetable, including curly kale, which fascinated me. There was a huge strawberry plot and a greenhouse with fragrant tomatoes and a vine twining along the roof.

Magical stuff! Although I loved being there all summer, I certainly didn't realise then just what an idyllic sort of time and place it was.

Stop the world, I want to get off!

I feel a little world-weary. The news seems to be full of sad news - yet another shooting at an American college and, in the UK, a story of young people committing suicide. All so absolutely tragic, and my heart goes out to the parents, families and friends of all these young people. I wish I could do more than just pray for them.

In Britain we have the usual mix of political wrangling, religious misunderstandings and the (boring) ubiquitous cult of celebrity. In Scotland winter is dragging her heels - even though there are some signs of spring - and there's not even anything good on TV to divert us!

On a personal level, I am concerned for Sarah - she is a bit volatile at the moment, and has been suspended from College. There is no easy answer - we just have to wait until she becomes more stable and hope that, in the meantime, she does not loose too many of the things that both she and those who support her have worked so hard for. So, I pray for Sarah too.

Of course, my real problem is that I would just like to be able to 'fix' all these things, but I can't, so I pray - because I know a Man who can help!

Power!

I seem to be full of wee moans these days....... We have just received a letter from Scottish Gas saying that the cost of both gas and electricity is to increase by 15%. That's a lot. The company say that their costs have increased such a lot that they are having to pass on these costs to their consumers. Fair enough I suppose.

However, I'm curious to know what kind of profit the company is currently making and if they are paying-out to shareholders. It is difficult to find the extra money to pay these increased costs, so how are folk on a pension or suchlike coping?

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Heros

As a wee bit of fun, have been doing some of those "which character are you?" quizzes. Got me thinking. Although I would love to be one of the amazing fictional characters (although maybe only for a wee while!) there are also some real people that I would like to emulate.

Elizabeth Barratt-Browning - for her poetry; Fi Glover or Sandi Toksvig - for their use of language and quick wit; Judith Chalmers - just to visit all the countries that she has!!; Jane Austen - oh to be able to write like that!; Jackie Pullinger - what an amazing woman with an amazing relationship with God! And, from the Bible - Joshua!

So. Who you would like to be? Especially which Bible character?

A NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
To anyone who reads this blog - I wish you all that's best for 2008.

I wonder what this year will bring? As usual for this time of year, I was thinking - reflecting on last year and pondering on my hopes for this new one. One of them is that I can grasp the pure joy of the fact that I have a relationship with God!!

Another is that I can find happiness in the simplest of things. I watched Michael Parkinson's final show - a compilation of his memorable interviews. Amongst them was a clip from 1980, of Larry Adler (on harmonica) and Itzhak Perlman (on violin) playing Summertime. At one point, Larry Adler smiled at Itzhak Perlman - and it was a smile of sheer enjoyment! What struck me was that he was smiling out of the sheer pleasure over the music that they were making. He was not smiling because he was being admired by Michael Parkinson, his guests, the studio audience and all those watching at home. He was not smiling because he was famous and rich. He was not smiling because he held centre-stage. He was smiling with the joy of making music with another great musician.

In this age of celebrity, and the desire of so many to be famous for the sake of being famous, I pray that we can all treasure the simple pleasures of life, most of which are found in God's creation - the natural world and people.

Random thoughts.........

Immediately after my computer recovered, I suddenly became very busy. Various reasons - waiting to see if my work contract was being renewed, writing assignments for my CWC course, suffering with a sore throat and taking our Tasha to the Vet.

Sadly, Tasha has heart problems - she is quite elderly - in human terms she is approaching 105! We take her back to the vet on Monday to get her checked over again, and to collect some medication.

Joe and I celebrate our Wedding Anniversary on Friday, Sarah will be spending Saturday afternoon with us and our middle grandson, Stephen, will be 7 on 11 December. I know we all say it, but time passes so very quickly!

The last couple of Sundays, I have just felt so blessed to be part of my wee Church!! There is such a sense of family. A week past Sunday I was struck by how many folk were quietly ministering to those around them who needed a hug or a kind word. Last Sunday we were blessed with a real sense of worship and, again, that sense of family - I understand that some visitors so felt this that they have said they will be back.

There has been much discussion of what the Church is, and what it should be doing - should we be seeking to 'do' Church in a different way, so that folk who are not from a Church background can relate to what goes on in Church, especially during Sunday services. Most of the discussion has been at a level that I struggle to fully understand, so I have not often contributed. However, I think that the last couple of weeks at my Church may have provided part of the beginning of the answer........

Finally - to bloggers more experienced than I - other than by leaving comments, how do we know if anyone is reading our wee posts or not? Seems such a waste of time otherwise............

You're as young as you feel!

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve just fallen for the hype! Somebody out there has decided that we should no longer think of our age as our actual age – '60 is the new 50', or some such phrase – but rather, we should laugh in the face of advancing years! We should still be doing everything we ever did, look better than we ever did and see life-long-learning as an essential! We should work hard and play hard - our social lives should be a whirl. We will, of course, look absolutely wonderful as we gallop around taking on exercise, voluntary work and new challenges whilst still managing to whisk through the housework, prove ourselves indispensable in our jobs, and be perfect spouses, parents and grandparents!

Now, I’m not against any of this – I’m not yet at the point where I want to retire to my armchair in front of the fire, watching “Countdown”, whilst sipping a nourishing milky drink and smelling of lavender water. There isn’t anything wrong with any of these things – I just haven’t reached that point yet. I do want to go on working and learning and exploring – I want to continue to dye my hair, listen to some modern music, and try to keep up with technology!

However, I sometimes get tired – more tired than I used to – and sometimes I get wee aches and pains. I would like to be able to say this, to say it without feeling guilty that I’ve somehow ‘let the side down’!

Beauty

One day last week I was walking from work and the sun was shining and, although there was a wind, it was pleasantly warm. A kaleidoscope of coloured leaves was blowing around the carpark and, because there was a lack of traffic noise, I could hear a bird singing. Work had been calm and straightforward, and I was heading home for a coffee and something to eat. Sometimes there is such a moment ....... a sliver of time when everything seems to fall perfectly into the place that was specifically designed for it, and the result is a momentary sense of absolute beauty and peace..........................

HELP!

It has been pointed out that I am not blogging much at the moment. True! I have had a rather fraught couple of weeks, what with the aforementioned installation of a new central heating system and assorted illnesses within the family.


Once all the clearing up was done (well, to be honest, I haven't done all of it yet) I began to prepare for speaking in Church this morning - and things became considerably worse! Somehow, I did something to my back and the pain and immobility yesterday was most inconvenient. Another teething problem from the work on the central heating reared it's ugly head - a veritable waterfall in the cupboard under the sink! This means that the cupboard has to be left empty, so the contents are scattered around the kitchen, added to our pans, mixer and slow-cooker which have become homeless following the removal of the final shelf in the boiler cupboard!

As I have mentioned previously, our cat, Tasha, has been a bit under the weather recently, so we have spoilt her. She is better now, but does not realise that this means the spoiling has come to an end, so she is constantly under my feet. Also mentioned in previous blogs, our ertswhile spasmodically working fridgefreezer now works properly, but only if it is plugged into an extension lead. It is interesting trying to negotiate the obstacle course that is our kitchen, with a bad back and a cat twining itself around your feet!

However, these things are annoying and inconvenient, but they will be sorted out very soon. Compared to many folk, I am very fortunate. I read Graham's most recent post this evening, and I feel bad about my wee domestic rant. I have so much to be grateful for. When life gets fraught, I should always remember that all I have to do is listen to God's "still, small voice of calm". And should life get tougher, then all I have to do is lean on Him and trust Him to guide me through. I wrote the following poem when life was especially difficult.

I've stopped struggling,
I've given in,
Exhausted with the battle
I hand it all to Him.

I'm fully surrendered,
Unable to stand,
He gently scoops me up
In the palm of His hand.

And His love and grace
Come shining though,
His mercy endless,
His promises true.

And I weep
With relief
As I rest
In His care.

Grateful

Hurrah!! Our new heating is installed, but we are still cleaning, clearing and dealing with the teething problems. I've been a little grumpy because I find this kind of upheaval increasingly difficult to cope with, even with Catriona and Joe helping with the big clean-up.

My grumpiness increased today. When Joe and I returned from Church we found that the fridge-freezer was not working!!! We contacted a number of friends to see if they could offer our frozen food a 'foster home' but, unfortunately, they all had freezers that were already packed full of food, so did not have room to accommodate all ours. Never mind I thought, it's not the end of the world.

Then I really got thinking...... How very fortunate we are to have freezers packed full of food -and, no doubt, full fridges and cupboards too. There must be so many people who are not in such a comfortable situation and I'm ashamed that I am not more grateful about my own situation.............